NFNS: We Have a Winner!

Okay, so who won isn’t the news going into tonight’s finale.  Unless, the leak was a hoax or they re-taped the ending pretty much everyone knows that Aaron wins, but no one knows why.  Did he win any competitions?  I don’t think so.  He survived through attrition.  Other, more qualified candidates were booted for conjured reasons.  Shane: we know we criticized you in the beginning for acting too mature for your age but you’re too young.  Yeah I get that one, panel - no one ever wants to watch a show about a child prodigy, right Doogie Houser?  Plus it isn’t like someone dropping two and a half boy-band members in just three years isn’t inspiring and worthy of a long career is it Jared Fogel?

I’m sorry, Kelsey, but between your gorgeous smile, fantastic food knowledge, unbelievable energy, genuine passion, and the fact that you have won more challenges than all of the others combined we just can’t see you as a food expert.  What was that?  Sunny Anderson is a DJ and Sandra Lee doesn’t actually cook; she reheats?  Their different, you’re just too young.  What?  Mary Nolan is 26?  Well, uh, er, hmm, oh yeah, those extra few months of life are very important – you’ll see.

Of course Nolan is the real winner of Next Food Network Star.  She got her show and didn’t even have to compete.  I wonder if she had been in the final three in place of Lisa Garza if her promo would have seen her dangling from a string 30 feet off the ground.  I think not.  I still maintain that Lisa’s promo challenge last week was designed specifically to cut her out, but yet she won the final challenge in impressive style while Aaron bombed like nothing we have ever seen before.  Adam copped out with his smoked meat buffet, and a monotone soliloquy worthy of an Obama campaign speech.

There just wasn’t much talent this year.  There was Cory the comedian who wasn’t funny.  Kevin who re-defined jerk.  Jeffery who wasn’t memorable in any way, Nipa who was scared of fish, Jennifer who had the confidence of Ichabod Crane (not the Johnny Depp version), Shane, well Shane was pretty good, and Kelsey who was perfect in every way.  Then you have all three of the final pair - Lisa the poster child for lithium, Adam who cannot cook, and the winner Aaron who was never was really bad but at the same time never was really good either.  There were also some new things this year – Bob wrote a blog, Susie kept a vlog, and Adam Roberts (no relation to Kevin) found something to dish about.

I bet this is way more than Bobby bargained for when he agreed to MC this year.