Leave That OCD At Home

May 1, 2009 at 6:49 am

Wikipedia defines an OCD thusly, “Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety mental disorder characterized by involuntary intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.”  My friends and I have throrized that OCD’s are the next stage in mankind’s evolution, we just need to learn how to focus them.

However, until you have learned how to apply your OCD to better the world you need to leave it at home when you venture into public.  I am referring to those OCD’ers whose particular “anxiety mental disorder” causes others to have to work harder.  Like with anything else in life you should be free to do what you want, but once it effects others your right to do it ends.

A common OCD seen by restaurant workers is the person who has to have each element of their meal on a seperate plate.  They insist they cannot eat food that is touching on the same plate.  Therefore the cook has to put the chicken on one plate, the rice pilaf on another and the garlic bread on yet another dish.  The server then has to bring three different plates to one person.  The busser has to clear three times as many dishes from a table and the dishwasher has to clean three times as many plates. 

Now if the OCD slave is willing to pay three times as much for their meal then fine, let those OCD’s shine.  Otherwise, live your OCD at home.  It is no one else’s problem but your own.  No one else in society should ever be effected by your childish whims.

You see, a common falicy among the American thought towards customer service at a restaurant is that paying for the meal entitles them to any thing they want.  Not true at all.  Paying for the meal gets a meal cooked for you.  Tipping (20% for average service, 10% is the Federal legal minimum) pays for the service of having that meal brought to you, cleaned up when you are done, drinks refilled and extra napkins/sauces/etc.  Anything beyond this you have to pay more for.

Another common OCD that plagues the restaurant industry are people who cannot eat finger foods with their fingers.  How uncouth.  Might I suggest that if you are unable to overcome this infantile behavior that you seek professional help.  Until then, I reccomend you not order a chicken wrap.

The dilima is you really want that chicken wrap as opposed to an entree that is designed with silverware in mind.  So you need to decide which is more important, your desire for a sandwich or your irrational behavior.  Seeing how that sandwich is tactile while your compulsion is merely a figment of your imagination the answer seems rather simple.  Ah but then again rational thought is not exactly a forte of those with obsessive–compulsive disorder.

Well, here’s the rub, cookie, the Burger King lied.  Special orders to upset us, unless you are willing to pay extra for them.  Think I’m wrong?  Go ask the King for a Whopper made with grass-fed, steroid-free beef, a bun with no preservatives, fries that are not cooked in hydrogenated oils and a root beer free of high fructose corn syrup.  Ask for that and see if you get it your way.

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Stuart Reb Donald

Stuart is a celebrity chef and award winning food writer. Donald performs live cooking demonstrations and penned the cookbook Amigeauxs - Mexican/Creole Fusion Cuisine. He hosts two Internet cooking shows "Everyday Gourmet" and "Little Grill Big Flavor."

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